If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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