Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
