I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize