Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
