I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
