No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
