I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment