It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
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So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
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Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.