You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
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We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
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Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.