You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....