How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
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phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
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Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...