the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
