is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
