This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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