So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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