watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
