I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
