My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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