i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This is my gift to your gina
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.