I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.