Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.

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(301): this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately. http://tfl.nu/cwhn

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.

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(203): i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse. http://tfl.nu/mns9

Replies (13) Good night (618) Bad night (4288) Order T-Shirt
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.

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(603): No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class. http://tfl.nu/tnda

Replies (28) Good night (4117) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

without a question

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(860): I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox (1-860): without a question http://tfl.nu/lm2z

Replies (10) Good night (4091) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.

(1-262): View more from Wisconsin

That's funny. Are they weird looking???

(262): View more from Wisconsin

OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.

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(262): There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart. (1-262): That's funny. Are they weird looking??? (262): OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS. http://tfl.nu/egmz

Replies (38) Good night (8764) Bad night (1216)
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(469): View more from Texas

I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.

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(469): I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over. http://tfl.nu/vab8

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.

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(306): It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story. http://tfl.nu/6m1s

Replies (14) Good night (1004) Bad night (2743) Order T-Shirt
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(817): View more from Texas

he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur

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(817): he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur http://tfl.nu/33k4

Replies (42) Good night (1938) Bad night (7786) Order T-Shirt
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?

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(508): Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"? http://tfl.nu/9ial

Replies (29) Good night (899) Bad night (2793) Order T-Shirt
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.

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(267): he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice. http://tfl.nu/aht5

Replies (14) Good night (5029) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
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(914): View more from New York

Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.

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(914): Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again. http://tfl.nu/50dk

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.

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(612): I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that. http://tfl.nu/cvm1

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..

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(412): Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza.. http://tfl.nu/7ino

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(765): View more from Indiana

Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.

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(765): Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall. http://tfl.nu/m1i5

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(309): View more from Illinois

note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.

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(309): note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never. http://tfl.nu/8ha6

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