How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
