Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.