I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
