My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
