so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
