K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
