Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
