btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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