Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
