If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
