maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize