just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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