quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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