Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
