I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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