Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
