You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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