My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
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Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
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I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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