Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
