I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
