Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
