Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
