how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Bring me that man meat
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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