He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
