his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
