careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
