Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
