We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
