Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
