Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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