But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
