i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
