matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
