Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
