i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
