i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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