I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
