i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
