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What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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