so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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