A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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