phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
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She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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