i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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