why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
