it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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