I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
