before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
MIDGETS
????
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
