You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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